Being Me...

I find myself swinging. 

Not on a playground swing. 

Not high on dope. But on life. 

Swinging into extremes...

One minute I feel I can let it all go

the next I want to hold on

One minute I tell someone off

the next I hang on to every word they say

I cease to be – be myself

I flow with the wind

It takes me high…then swings me low

Sometimes I’m floating…drifting

Then again, I’m lashed

I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I smile

I feel rejuvenated. I feel tired

I understand

And then I don’t

There is no valley 

where I can rest in solitude

There are endless hills to climb

Some green and verdant

Where I pause to catch my breath

Some bare and rocky

Where I falter and trip

I watch the familiar faces of loved ones

I derive comfort in their presence

I hear words of friends

Near and far

Some warm, loving

Some harsh, criticizing

I cease to be me...to think for myself

I fail to accept the simple truth

I cannot keep everyone happy

I keep trying otherwise

I keep losing myself

Over and over again

I look at the mirror;

Watch the creases around my eyes

The beginnings of lines around my mouth

I’m aging but I’m not really growing am I?

*sigh*

I sleep a dreamless sleep

I hope to wake up to another morning

Simply to be me