Being Me...

I find myself swinging. 

Not on a playground swing. 

Not high on dope. But on life. 

Swinging into extremes...

One minute I feel I can let it all go

the next I want to hold on

One minute I tell someone off

the next I hang on to every word they say

I cease to be – be myself

I flow with the wind

It takes me high…then swings me low

Sometimes I’m floating…drifting

Then again, I’m lashed

I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I smile

I feel rejuvenated. I feel tired

I understand

And then I don’t

There is no valley 

where I can rest in solitude

There are endless hills to climb

Some green and verdant

Where I pause to catch my breath

Some bare and rocky

Where I falter and trip

I watch the familiar faces of loved ones

I derive comfort in their presence

I hear words of friends

Near and far

Some warm, loving

Some harsh, criticizing

I cease to be me...to think for myself

I fail to accept the simple truth

I cannot keep everyone happy

I keep trying otherwise

I keep losing myself

Over and over again

I look at the mirror;

Watch the creases around my eyes

The beginnings of lines around my mouth

I’m aging but I’m not really growing am I?

*sigh*

I sleep a dreamless sleep

I hope to wake up to another morning

Simply to be me

Before it's too late

I wrote this after a fight with a dear friend. We've withstood the test of time, changing circumstances, love, hurt, pain, joy .. it makes me smile reading this and to be reminded of how I was so upset back then. In many ways I am thankful I have the ability to write and express. I am not a confrontational person, so writing is where I am completely expressive and absolutely true to my deepest feelings...

Don’t take me for granted

I stand by you no matter what

I look past your mistakes

I don’t show my pain

But that won’t last

You’re oblivious to the

Changes in me

 

Wake up you need to see

Before it’s too late

For you to change things

And we’re left cursing fate

 

What else?

I’m always there for you

And no,

I didn’t expect anything in return

Being friends, for me

Was never about give and take

I did my fair share of giving

And I’d do it all over again

If I can get past this hurt

You really don’t see it do you?

 

Wake up you need to see

Before it’s too late

For you to change things

And we’re left cursing fate

 

You probably think it’s a trivial thing

Why cry over something

So small and insignificant

But hey, aren’t you the one always saying

"It’s the little things in life that matter"?

 

Wake up you need to see

Before it’s too late for you

To change things

And we’re left cursing fate…

 

You know what’s funny?

You don’t even know I’m hurt

Right now you’re upset

Wondering why I find it tough

To make a simple call.

You think I’m taking you for granted

That’s how it is right?

You never did sense

My disappointment and that...

Yes that hurts even more

 

Wake up you need to see

Before it’s too late

For you to change things

And we’re left cursing fate

And I’m done with this!

Shit poem I know…

Had to let of steam

And that’s done…

Read it…chuck it

And go have some fun!

The End

All good things come to an end

Nothing lasts forever

The smile of a friend

Changes to the cold stare

Of a stranger

Sharing caring loving

Gone in the blink of an eye

“Us” losing out to “I”

Nothing left to say

Only a desire to

Walk away

Memories remain

They bring a tear...a smile

And all the pain

Fades after a while

It simply doesn’t matter

Life moves on

Till there’s thing left

The good...the bad...

Like “us” they’re all gone...

Reason to smile...

A new dream
Unreal as it may seem
A new beginning
A new longing…

My heart sings
A new song
A lil heartbeat in me
A lil life in me

I count the days
Plan in many ways
Praying…silently
Waiting … patiently!